This episode of PCOS Unfiltered is a powerful reminder that healing isn’t just about what you’re doing—it’s about the state your body is in while you’re doing it. Lindsie sits down for part 2 with Bianca DeLuco, who shares her 13-year journey of being dismissed, unheard, and searching for answers before finally receiving a diagnosis. But what makes this conversation so impactful isn’t just her story—it’s the deeper understanding of why so many women feel stuck in their healing. Together, they explore the connection between chronic stress, the nervous system, and hormone health, breaking down polyvagal theory into a simple, relatable framework that helps you understand what’s really happening in your body. You’ll learn how most women are living in a constant state of stress or shutdown—and why that makes healing feel impossible, even when you’re “doing everything right.” More importantly, this episode gives you a new lens to view your symptoms, along with practical tools to begin regulating your nervous system, supporting your body, and creating real, sustainable change. Because healing doesn’t start with doing more—it starts with feeling safe in your body.
Bianca explains three core nervous system states:
👉 Most women today are stuck cycling between yellow and red, rarely reaching true regulation.
Your state is shaped by:
1. Past Stressors
2. Current Stressors
3. The Quality of Your Coping Skills (Your Biggest Lever)
Low-quality coping:
High-quality coping:
👉 Feeling more emotions after being numb is often a sign of healing, not failure
Instead of:
Try:
Start asking:
1. Every “yes” is a “no” to something else
→ Often your peace, rest, or healing
2. “You can’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm”
→ Stop sacrificing yourself for everyone else
3. Choose your “hard”
👉 You get to decide which hard you live with
Bianca emphasizes that there is no one-size-fits-all approach—the key is finding what works for you.
You don’t need:
👉 You just need to:
“Your body has to feel safe in order to heal.”
“Every time you say yes to something, you’re saying no to something else.”
“You can’t set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.”
“You have to decide which version of hard you’re willing to live with.”
Healing isn’t about doing more.
It’s about creating a state in your body where healing is possible.
Start small:
Because real change doesn’t come from perfection—
it comes from awareness, consistency, and self-support.
⚠️ Podcast Disclaimer
This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional before making any changes to your health routine.
(0:00) I think it's harder to say no to feeling depleted, (0:05) like, you know what I mean? (0:06) Feeling good and feeling energized and feeling peaceful. (0:09) Like when you start looking at it like that, (0:11) you're like, I'm not willing to say no to those things. (0:13) Like those are the things I desire for myself (0:14) more than anything else.(0:17) Hey, beautiful. (0:18) Welcome back to PCOS Unfiltered. (0:20) I'm your host, Lindsie.(0:22) And today's conversation is such an important one (0:25) because we're not just talking about PCOS. (0:27) We're talking about what happens (0:29) when your body is trying to get your attention (0:31) and no one is really listening. (0:33) Today, I'm joined by Bianca DeLuco, (0:35) whose journey is one that so many women will recognize.(0:38) Years of symptoms, being dismissed, (0:41) being told everything is normal, (0:42) and having to advocate for herself over and over again (0:45) just to get answers. (0:47) In fact, it took her 13 years to receive a diagnosis. (0:51) But what makes this conversation so powerful (0:53) is where it goes next.(0:55) Bianca brings such a beautiful perspective (0:57) through her work in mind, body, spirit healing. (1:00) And we really dive into the deeper layers (1:02) of what's actually going on beneath the surface, (1:04) not just physically, (1:06) but emotionally and energetically as well. (1:08) In this episode, we talk about the gaps (1:10) in women's healthcare (1:11) and why so many women feel dismissed, (1:13) the connection between stress, (1:15) the nervous system, and hormone health, (1:18) what polyvagal theory actually is (1:20) in a way that finally makes sense, (1:22) how your daily habits like sleep, movement, (1:24) and even your phone impact your healing, (1:27) and how to start shifting out of a survival mode (1:29) and into a place where your body can actually begin to heal.(1:33) This conversation is going to help you understand your body (1:36) on a completely different level, (1:37) and more importantly, give you tools (1:39) to start supporting it in a way that actually works.
(1:42) As a reminder, the content shared on PCOS Unfiltered (1:45) is for informational and educational purposes only. (1:49) The views and opinions expressed by the host and guests (1:52) are not intended to serve as medical advice.(1:54) Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional (1:56) before making any changes to your diet, (1:58) exercise, or treatment plan. (2:00) The information shared is based on personal experience (2:03) and expert interviews, (2:04) and is not a substitute for professional medical guidance. (2:07) Now, let's get into it.(2:09) Here's my conversation with Bianca Deluco. (2:19) You mentioned polyvagal theory. (2:22) So I wanna hear more about that.(2:23) I want our listeners to hear more about that. (2:26) So can you explain kind of what that is (2:28) and the three nervous system states (2:31) that play a role in that, (2:34) and then how you see that showing up for women, (2:36) whether that's the women that you see in your studio, (2:38) women with PCOS, for yourself, all of that. (2:43) So since I got certified in yoga 10 years ago, (2:45) nervous system is always something (2:46) that's been kind of quietly discussed in the background, (2:49) but it's not been the forefront of conversations, right? (2:51) We hear a lot of conversations around your fight or flight, (2:55) and then later your freeze and fawn, right? (2:58) Like started getting added into the conversation (3:00) versus the rest and digest state, right?
(3:03) So there'd be like a lot of times (3:04) where I'm like welcoming people to a sound bath, (3:06) and I'm like, yeah, the sound bath helps (3:07) because it brings you into your rest and digest state.(3:09) And people are like, great, what the heck does that mean? (3:12) Like, why should I care? (3:15) I didn't even eat. (3:17) Like, why do I need to digest? (3:18) Like, what is this thing? (3:20) So the typical or like original kind of nervous system (3:25) perspective was that there was like basically (3:27) those two states, (3:28) the parasympathetic and the sympathetic, right? (3:30) And so you're either in the rest and digest (3:31) or you're in that active state. (3:34) Polyvagal theory went like a step further (3:36) to divide it into three different states.(3:39) Basically, we have the first state, (3:42) and I'm going to use non-scientific terms (3:44) for those of us who are like not fully ready (3:47) for a full conversation on this, (3:50) but you have your green state, right? (3:51) Your green state is where you're social, (3:53) you're sleeping optimally, your digestion is optimal, (3:57) everything is functioning optimally, right? (3:59) So we had that conversation about normal range (4:01) versus optimal, this is where everything is optimal. (4:05) And ideally, we are spending the majority of our time (4:08) in this optimal state. (4:11) Most of us are not.
(4:12) Because of our fast paced lifestyle, (4:13) because we're spending so much time on our devices, (4:15) because we're eating ultra processed food, (4:17) because we're not moving our bodies enough, (4:19) because we have more stress than historically (4:23) we've had, because we're exposed to so much in media, (4:26) because, because, because, we could go on and on, (4:28) the list could go on and on, (4:30) but we're not spending the majority of our time there. (4:32) So from the green zone, you can enter into the yellow zone, (4:36) and the yellow zone is where we are activated (4:39) and we're aroused, so things like stress and anxiety (4:42) are in that yellow zone. (4:46) So it's like when life is very chaotic and very stressful, (4:49) you're in this yellow zone.(4:50) Now, that doesn't mean that there's anything bad (4:53) or wrong with the yellow zone, right? (4:54) Exercise is a form of stress on the body, (4:56) it will bring you out of the green zone to the yellow zone. (4:59) The idea though, is that we spend the majority of our time (5:02) in the green zone and we're able to go in and out (5:05) of the yellow zone freely. (5:07) The problem happens when we're spending the majority (5:10) of our time in that yellow zone (5:11) and getting stuck in that yellow zone (5:13) and not entering back into the green zone, right? (5:15) Like, take exercise, a healthy form of stress, for example.(5:19) You would ideally go into that for 30 minutes, an hour, (5:24) however much time you're exercising, (5:25) and then after it, your body would self-regulate (5:27) and you'd go back to the green zone. (5:29) Most of us, because we're like chronically stressed, (5:32) are staying in that yellow zone, (5:33) no matter what we're doing, exercising or not, (5:35) staying in that yellow zone, (5:36) we're not ever spending much time in the green zone. (5:40) From the yellow zone, there is then the red zone.(5:43) And the red zone is where we become shut down, (5:46) we're depressed, we're dissociated, (5:49) and that happens as a result of too much yellow zone. (5:53) So if you are somebody who is like, (5:56) every day after work just watches endless Netflix, (5:59) is just drowning in that distraction, (6:01) or just is scrolling on your phone (6:03) and people are talking to you, (6:06) but you're not really understanding the conversation (6:08) and you're agreeing to stuff kind of passively, (6:10) like, do you have a good day today? (6:11) Yeah. (6:11) Like, you know what I mean? (6:12) Like, without really being present (6:14) or feeling like life is controlling you (6:18) versus you being in control of your life kind of thing.(6:21) For a lot of years, I was in that red zone, right? (6:23) Like, spending endless amount of time on my phone, (6:26) spending endless amount of time on my couch, (6:28) like not connected to the people in my life, (6:30) like my best friends would be like, hey, let's hang out. (6:32) And I was like, not interested, right? (6:34) So very, very dissociated and shut down. (6:38) That is a sign that you're, (6:40) you can almost think of it like a bucket, right? (6:42) Your capacity is like a bucket.(6:45) And as you add different stressors to it, (6:47) you can have a little bit of stress (6:48) and still be in that green zone. (6:50) As you add more, you drop down into that yellow zone.
(6:53) And as you add even more, you drop down into that red zone.(6:57) And so it's like, you're constantly going between states. (7:02) Ideally, you're staying between the green and the yellow, (7:05) but I'm finding more and more people (7:07) are staying between that yellow and that red zone (7:09) and not spending much time in the green zone. (7:12) Check if that makes sense.(7:14) Yes, it's like a stoplight. (7:17) Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. (7:19) Yeah, so then I would assume, (7:22) the red is probably when you really, (7:25) like a lot of the disease states would, (7:28) like yellow, you might start seeing some symptoms of things, (7:31) where red would probably be like, yeah, (7:34) like something is really, really happening in the body.(7:39) I think both, yes. (7:43) Right, like you can tell when you're feeling stressed, (7:47) right, you might get a headache, (7:48) you might feel tension in your neck and shoulders. (7:51) You might, if you're feeling anxious, (7:53) feel like kind of nauseous, right? (7:56) Like we notice our body responding to this stress response.(7:59) And then as, yeah, the more of that stress response (8:03) you have in your body, (8:04) the more your body is going to respond negatively, right? (8:09) Like the mind and the body are so deeply connected. (8:12) And so anytime we're trying to like, (8:16) I've tried approaches of like treating like anxiety (8:18) or depression just from like a mental health standpoint, (8:22) but it's like, okay, (8:23) but if you're still not moving your body (8:25) and you're still not socializing with people (8:26) and you're still not eating nutritionally, (8:29) like that medical state is not gonna change much. (8:32) And I think too, from a physical health perspective, (8:33) right, we talked about like PCOS and weight, for example, (8:36) right, and I'm like, my weight is kind of stable, (8:38) right, not much is changing, (8:39) but it's like, if you're mentally and emotionally (8:42) not processing things, (8:43) your body's holding on to them in different ways.(8:45) So it's like, it's all so deeply interlaced and connected. (8:50) You can't do one without the other.
(8:53) It would be like, I don't know, (8:55) if you had a car and like the engine wasn't running, (8:58) but the transmission was like, (9:00) you kind of need both of these to function.(9:02) It's not like an equal situation. (9:05) Yeah, yeah, I mean, it's true. (9:06) I've used that analogy before, (9:08) otherwise you get a check engine light, right? (9:09) If something is off, and then yeah, (9:13) it may not start at all.(9:15) I really like these traffic comparisons. (9:17) I'm making a lot of sense of it. (9:19) Right, so right, like that yellow zone, (9:22) check engine light comes on, (9:23) and then the red zone, the car won't start, right? (9:27) Like, it's so, you know.(9:30) Yeah, yeah. (9:31) No, I, yeah, I mean, I love that, (9:33) especially because I do, I talk a lot about, (9:37) you know, the rest and digest and fight or flight, (9:41) but like one thing I've learned, my personal journey, (9:45) and then just with my coaching practice, (9:48) is the body has to feel safe. (9:52) It has to feel relaxed in order to do, (9:55) you know, to whether that's lose weight, (9:57) to heal whatever symptoms or diagnosis (10:01) or whatever it might be, right? (10:03) It has to be in that rest and digest, (10:07) you know, phase in order to do that, (10:10) because otherwise our body prioritizes the wrong things (10:13) when we're constantly stressed out (10:14) and in that fight or flight, you know, stage all the time.(10:17) But I love that yellow in between there, (10:20) because it does, it makes sense. (10:22) Yes, there's gonna be times where life happens, (10:26) but you kind of learn how to deal with it. (10:28) And when you don't have the compounded stressors, (10:30) I would imagine too, (10:31) that's where you can then flip back to the green, (10:35) you know, to the green state too.(10:37) Yeah. (10:38) So there's actually three things that contribute (10:40) to the nervous system state that we're in. (10:43) And learning this was like a big like, (10:45) like polyvagal theory in itself was like, (10:47) oh my gosh, this like, this makes sense.(10:49) Like, and the interesting thing too, (10:51) is like, you don't go from red to green. (10:52) So if like, if you start doing things (10:54) to like support yourself, (10:55) you're not gonna go from red to green. (10:57) You always have to pass through yellow.(10:59) So whether you're going from green to red or red to green, (11:01) you're always passing through that yellow state. (11:03) So that's either a sign that things are improving (11:04) or that sign that things are starting to go wrong.
(11:07) So if you are someone who is in that like dissociated state (11:11) and you're like feeling like really numbed out (11:13) and like disconnected from life, (11:14) and then all of a sudden you start feeling like (11:16) really stressed and anxious all the time.(11:17) And you're like, well, I feel just as bad (11:19) or maybe even worse, (11:20) like depending on how you like connect to those emotions, (11:24) like that's actually a sign you're like moving (11:26) out of that numbed state into an activated state. (11:29) And from an activated state, (11:30) you can then go to regulated state. (11:31) So don't feel like if you are making that progress, (11:34) that it's like bad progress (11:36) because like you're, (11:37) even though you're not feeling great yet, (11:39) you're still like moving up.(11:40) It's like, it's like a ladder, (11:41) you climb up and down and you can't just like skip steps. (11:43) So the things that contribute are, (11:46) it's kind of an equation. (11:47) So the first part is past stressors.(11:51) So things like childhood trauma, (11:53) growing up in poverty, (11:54) if you've experienced things like racism or sexism, (11:58) that could all be in that any form of abuse, (12:00) domestic violence, (12:02) living in a household that's like constantly explosive (12:05) where you have to walk on eggshells, (12:06) like anything, a teacher in first grade (12:08) that constantly humiliated you (12:10) and made you feel like you were stupid. (12:11) Like any type of past stressors is the first part, (12:15) which I think is kind of discouraging (12:17) because you're like, what the heck? (12:18) I can't change that. (12:19) Like that is what it is.(12:20) It's already happened, right? (12:22) So it's our past stressors (12:24) in conjunction with our current stressors, right? (12:28) So our jobs, our families, (12:31) the state of the world, (12:32) your health journey can be really stressful. (12:36) Maintaining a household, raising kids can be stressful. (12:38) Like there's like infinite stressors (12:41) that we're constantly experiencing.(12:43) So those two things, (12:44) minus the quality of your coping skills, right? (12:48) So there's lots of different coping skills. (12:50) Netflix binges are a coping skill. (12:52) Food binges are a coping skill.(12:54) Alcohol, drugs, coping skills, (12:56) but they are not high quality coping skills, right? (12:58) So if you have a lot of past stress (13:00) and a lot of current stress, (13:01) that means your stress bucket is really, really full, right? (13:05) And then if you have low quality coping skills, (13:08) they're not deducting anything from that stress bucket. (13:10) And in some cases are contributing (13:12) to that stress bucket, right? (13:13) That blue light from those devices, (13:15) the alcohol, adding toxicity to your body, right? (13:18) Like those things can be adding stress (13:21) versus actually like removing it. (13:22) So when I first learned about it, (13:24) everyone was talking about minus coping skills.
(13:26) I was like, no, (13:26) it's minus the quality of your coping skills. (13:28) The quality is essential, right? (13:31) So I think a lot of us are coping (13:32) in ways that are not serving us, right? (13:34) So high quality coping skills can be anything (13:36) from exercise and nutrition to a therapist, (13:41) to breath work and yoga, meditation, EFT tapping, (13:45) like literally any of those things. (13:47) And that's what determines your nervous system state.(13:49) So for me personally, (13:50) I had a lot of stressors growing up as a kid, (13:54) plus a lot of stressors as an adult (13:57) and virtually like no coping skills at all. (14:00) So that's where I was spending like 99% (14:03) of my time in that red zone. (14:05) And sometimes visiting the yellow zone on a good day.(14:10) But then once, (14:12) and you can somewhat control your current stressors, right? (14:15) Like you can look around and say, (14:17) hey, this one friendship I have (14:19) is always like really negative (14:21) and isn't like supporting me or, (14:25) hey, consuming this much media isn't doing great for me (14:28) or, hey, this constantly volunteering for my kids PTO (14:32) is like really draining. (14:34) So there's some stressors that we can like look at (14:36) and eliminate. (14:36) You're obviously not gonna eliminate your job.(14:38) You're not gonna eliminate your laundry. (14:39) You're not gonna eliminate your children. (14:41) You know what I mean? (14:42) Like there's some stressors that are just inevitable (14:44) that we're not able to like get rid of.(14:46) So I think first taking a good look at like, (14:50) what are all of the stressors (14:51) that are like adding to my stress bucket? (14:54) What things can I remove completely? (14:56) What things can I set better boundaries around? (14:59) And what things do I have to keep (15:00) and just learn to like navigate, right? (15:03) And then from there, (15:04) the one that we're truly in control of (15:05) is those coping skills. (15:06) So then looking at, well, how am I coping (15:09) with the stress of my life? (15:10) Is it wine every day after work? (15:12) Because if so, maybe that's not supporting me (15:14) as fully as it could. (15:16) And I'm not like demonizing these things (15:17) or saying that you like should never ever drink wine again (15:19) if you like love wine.(15:21) But just thinking about like how frequently (15:24) we're participating in that (15:25) and like how that's either adding to our stress bucket (15:29) or subtracting from our stress bucket. (15:31) So that's where I started doing a lot of different things. (15:33) Because for me, I was never really alcohol, (15:36) but it was a lot of like coping through food.(15:38) It was a lot of coping through just association, (15:42) whether that was on my phone or TV or like whatever. (15:45) And now it's like a lot of journaling, (15:49) a lot more breathing, a lot more walking, (15:52) a lot more exercise. (15:56) And yeah, I will say that I spend, (16:00) I wouldn't say I never enter the red zone (16:02) because there are definitely days that I do.
(16:06) And I wouldn't say that I spend 100% of my time (16:11) in that green zone, (16:12) but I spend significantly more time in that green zone (16:15) than I ever historically did before, right? (16:19) Enjoying hobbies like gardening or like being creative (16:23) or spending time with friends, (16:25) and something that like when I was in that red zone, (16:27) I was completely resistant to it (16:28) when you can text back it. (16:30) So yeah, super, yeah, it's been life-changing for me, (16:36) honestly, learning how to self-regulate and yeah, yeah. (16:42) Yeah, I mean, and I think too, (16:44) that's part of your journey (16:46) and that people need to understand it's not linear, right? (16:52) There's, you know, it's all over the place.(16:56) And so like you said, (16:57) you're still spending some time in the red zone even, (17:01) eventually probably, hopefully you'll get to where (17:04) you spend even more in the green, right? (17:08) I would say it takes time to get there. (17:11) But actually just like a full picture (17:13) of like this whole process, right? (17:15) It was years in the red zone, (17:17) like years and years and years in the red zone.
(17:19) And then I started feeling a little bit better, right? (17:23) Started to enter into that, I say better, (17:25) started to actually feel, right? (17:26) Going from like, no, I'm not feeling anything (17:28) to feeling like stress or anxious or like uncertain (17:31) or like overwhelmed or whatever.(17:34) And then I would like promise myself (17:37) and like now that we're like not depressed, (17:40) and for me, the language was depression versus anxiety, (17:44) right? (17:44) It was before I learned about red, yellow and green zones. (17:47) And then I would like on a Saturday, (17:50) be like stuck in bed all day, (17:52) like totally depleted, just like badging out. (17:54) I would get so mad at myself.(17:55) We said we weren't gonna do this again. (17:57) Like, you know, like really beat myself up over it. (18:00) And the more I was like beating myself up over it, (18:02) I was adding to that stress bucket, right? (18:04) Unknowingly, which was like causing me (18:06) to go into a downward spiral (18:08) where I was not adding lavender to the thing (18:11) and I was not moving my body (18:12) and I was not eating that well because like (18:15) that shame spiral really just causes us (18:18) to make some really poor choices.(18:20) And then I got to this point where I was like, okay, (18:23) so if on Saturdays I need to not be super productive, (18:28) I need to, I've worked a lot through the week. (18:30) I need this to be a day where I can (18:34) not be as productive as I wanna be, right? (18:37) Not be as like, whatever. (18:38) Like, that's okay.(18:39) And I'm gonna accept that this is where I'm at (18:41) and let myself, you know, be where I need to be. (18:45) And then, so through that like acceptance too, (18:48) also created more space for more compassion for myself (18:53) and more regulation and leaning even further (18:55) into the things that were supporting me. (18:57) So I think if we're like beating ourselves up constantly (18:58) and like, oh, I didn't walk again today (19:01) even though I really thought I was going to (19:03) or like whatever stories we're telling ourselves (19:05) like that just contributes to like that, (19:09) like especially that just contributes (19:10) to all the things we're trying to like avoid.(19:12) So it's like the more you can like almost talk to yourself (19:15) as if you're a friend. (19:15) I know we hear this a lot in like healing spaces, (19:18) like, oh, how can you talk to yourself (19:19) as you would, you know, give advice (19:20) if you're giving to a friend. (19:21) That truly has been like very transformational for me.(19:24) Like if my best friend was like struggling (19:27) with all of these things, (19:28) like what would my conversation with her be like? (19:31) How would I support her in like making the choice (19:33) that would be best for herself (19:35) versus like continuing to go down this like negative path? (19:38) So, yeah.
(19:41) And going back to even what you were saying (19:43) about like, you know, the stressors with like family members (19:47) or saying yes to these things, you know, all the time. (19:50) So whether that's internally or externally, (19:53) you know, with other people, (19:54) you have to give yourself permission to, you know, (19:57) to say no and to know your boundaries (20:00) and understand what your body truly needs (20:03) and not feel bad for that.(20:05) And, you know, maybe it's going to be hard. (20:08) It might be hard, (20:09) but you might have to remove some of those, (20:12) not remove completely, but like, you know, (20:15) decrease the time that you spend (20:17) with some of those people in your life (20:18) that are just creating more stress (20:20) or those activities, you know, that you're doing (20:22) that you realize now are creating more stress, (20:25) you know, along the way. (20:28) It's funny.(20:28) I thrive on like mantras. (20:30) Like they've really helped me like change my mindset (20:32) and like perspective on things. (20:34) And so like some of the mantras that I like developed (20:36) through that time period (20:38) that were like really transformational for me is like, (20:40) one, every time you say yes to something, (20:42) you're saying no to something else, right? (20:43) So when you say yes to that volunteer opportunity, (20:45) you're saying no to your relaxation.(20:47) You're saying no to your peace. (20:48) You're saying no to your wellbeing. (20:49) You're saying like, so when you look at it in that way, (20:52) as like an exchange, it's like, okay, (20:55) when I say yes to these things, (20:56) what is it that I'm actually saying no to? (20:58) And I think it's harder to say no to feeling depleted.(21:03) Like, you know what I mean? (21:04) Feeling good and feeling energized (21:06) and feeling peaceful. (21:08) Like when you start looking at it like that, (21:09) you're like, I'm not willing to say no to those things. (21:11) Like those are the things I desire for myself (21:13) more than anything else.(21:14) I'm not willing to say yes at certain things (21:17) at the expense of saying no to these things. (21:19) The other thing, this one I think is so funny, (21:23) but you know, everyone always says like, (21:25) oh, you can't pour from an empty cup. (21:26) But I'm like, no, but we're constantly pouring (21:28) from empty cups.(21:28) Like I get up, like we get up every day (21:30) and pour from empty cups. (21:31) Like we've proven again and again that as women, (21:34) when we are depleted, (21:35) we're still taking care of our children. (21:36) We're still taking care of our household.
(21:37) We're still, you know what I mean? (21:38) Like we have proven that that's not true. (21:40) So what I started saying instead was, (21:43) you can't set yourself on fire to keep other people warm. (21:46) And that one was like just severe enough to go, (21:50) you know, maybe I don't wanna keep setting myself on fire.(21:52) Like, you know, it was like, it was like, (21:55) I don't know, this is like, (21:57) it was radical enough for me that like the cup theory, (21:59) I was like, nah, I can pour from an empty cup. (22:01) Like let me show you, let me roll up my sleeves. (22:03) I can do this.(22:04) But like setting myself on fire, (22:05) I'm like, oh, that actually sounds horrible. (22:07) Maybe I should not do that. (22:10) So there was a third one, I can't remember.(22:13) But, oh, you said hard. (22:15) You said it might be hard to set these boundaries. (22:17) I know.(22:18) You're right, it is hard to set boundaries. (22:20) It's hard to have difficult conversations. (22:22) It's hard to remove things from our life (22:24) that were once easy habits.
(22:27) But it's also hard living in a stressed state. (22:30) It's also hard being dissociated. (22:32) It's also hard not being taken care of.(22:34) Like we are constantly faced with hard decisions (22:36) and you have to decide which version of hard (22:39) you want to live with, right? (22:41) It is hard to go to the gym and work out (22:43) and maintain an active lifestyle. (22:45) It's also hard having joints that don't work (22:49) or muscles that are easy to pull (22:52) because they're not strong. (22:53) And it's hard preparing healthy meals (22:56) and saying no to foods that maybe don't serve you.(22:59) But it's also hard feeling like crap (23:01) when you eat things that don't serve you. (23:03) So it's all going to be hard. (23:05) It's like which hard is the hard you want to live with? (23:09) So, yeah, I don't know.(23:11) I think a lot of, we all know, right? (23:14) We know what we're supposed to do regarding sleep. (23:16) We know what we're supposed to do (23:18) regarding diet and exercise. (23:19) We know this.(23:20) We have this information. (23:22) Nothing we've really talked about is too new (23:24) or expansional or whatever. (23:27) It's, I think, really changing our mindset (23:30) around those things that's really pivotal (23:33) and actually making forward progress in life.(23:36) Yeah, yeah, yeah. (23:37) I love that. (23:38) Love the mantra too.(23:41) You have a very good point there. (23:43) So as we kind of start wrapping up, (23:46) if someone listening is stuck in that red state, (23:50) maybe even a lot more yellow, stuck in that stress mode, (23:54) what are your favorite tools for self-regulation (23:57) that they could start using today? (24:00) So there are infinite tools, right? (24:03) Like spending time in nature could be great for you. (24:06) Running could be great for you.(24:08) I will say that the tools that are best for me (24:10) are not the tools that are gonna be best for you, right? (24:13) Like there are, you know, if you were, (24:16) I don't know, it just, (24:18) in the same way that we all like different foods, (24:20) there's all different things (24:21) that will serve us differently.
(24:22) So I think it's important to have like a wide variety (24:25) of tools to explore, to find out like, (24:29) okay, this one really works for me (24:30) and this one really doesn't. (24:32) For me personally, I love like yogic kind of breath work, (24:36) not like the somatic breath work (24:37) that's like very trendy right now (24:39) where people are like breathing really deep (24:41) and forcefully to like bring up emotions.(24:44) I know that that serves some people (24:45) that is not personally for me. (24:46) I think it's more activating than it is regulating (24:48) and so it's not something I typically dabble in. (24:51) But like things like square breathing, (24:54) four, seven, eight breathing, even just deep belly breaths.
(24:58) I love breathing specifically (25:01) because on like a yoga practice (25:03) or like you don't need a journal or a mat (25:06) or an instructor or an hour or like whatever. (25:08) It's something like very user friendly. (25:10) It's literally the one tool that's always with you (25:13) that you can, you know, whether you're at a holiday dinner (25:16) or you're in a work meeting or you're in line at traffic, (25:20) it doesn't matter where you are or what you're doing.(25:22) It's the one resource you can always tap into (25:24) to help create change in your body. (25:26) There's a, going back to that like polyvagal theory (25:30) and like the vagus nerve, (25:31) like anytime your exhalation is longer than your inhalation, (25:36) you're activating the vagus nerve (25:37) which helps bring us out of those activated states (25:40) into a more regulated state. (25:41) So really super simple.(25:44) You can do it anytime, anywhere, like just fully. (25:49) I will say when it comes to like the mental stress (25:52) and like the mental load and carrying the weight (25:54) of everything that's going on and constantly go, (25:56) I have to do this and I have to go here (25:57) and I can't forget this and do that. (25:59) Journaling is like the number one thing (26:00) that helps like clear my mind, right? (26:01) Like I, you know, people like love meditation, right? (26:04) If I sit in meditation, those thoughts are just like me, (26:08) like a little pinball machine (26:09) but I love to actually journal, (26:12) get it all out on paper and then sit (26:14) because then it's like, then you have the space (26:16) to like just be like knowing (26:19) that it's all held somewhere else.(26:20) When it comes to things like anxiety specifically, (26:24) EFT tapping has helped me unlike anything else. (26:26) Like I've been teaching yoga for 10 years, (26:28) more than yoga, more than breath work, (26:30) more than meditation, more than journaling, (26:32) more than anything I've done, (26:33) EFT tapping has been incredible for anxiety.
(26:40) Like I said, there's like a billion different tools.(26:43) Those are just the ones that I truly love the most (26:48) and that served me the most. (26:49) So, but again, I think it's important for people (26:51) to go to a yoga class and take a breath work class (26:55) and take a meditation class and download Insight Timer (26:58) and you know what I mean? (26:59) Like try journaling, do all of the things (27:01) because you'll start to notice one, (27:03) what works for you doesn't work for me, (27:05) what works for me doesn't work for you. (27:07) And two, that different things work for different things.(27:10) Like I said, EFT, my go-to for anxiety. (27:13) I don't even waste my time with the other things (27:14) versus like if I'm feeling low energy, (27:18) I might do something like I love to swim. (27:20) If I'm feeling like really depressed, (27:23) dissociated, numb, anything like that.(27:27) Cold exposure was really, really helpful (27:29) for me in that time. (27:30) Like I was in a place where I was like completely numb (27:34) and shut down, so activating was important. (27:37) Then when I got to a place where I was more (27:38) in like an overwhelmed stress anxiety state, (27:40) I found cold exposure too activating (27:43) and something I did not want to participate in anymore.(27:45) I think a lot of it comes down to being intuitive (27:47) and listening to your own self and like, (27:50) one, where do you feel calm?
(27:51) Like if you keep feeling like I just feel like (27:52) I need to sit and it's high and quiet. (27:55) Like I feel like I just need to like journal. (27:57) Like I get these itches to like start doing something, right? (28:00) And like that's how I know that that's what I meant (28:02) to do next.(28:02) And so I think one, listening to that (28:04) and then two, like noticing how you feel (28:07) before, during and after those things (28:09) and like leaning into the ones that are good (28:13) and the ones that aren't good, (28:15) just you don't have to do all of them. (28:16) You don't have to have a 90 minute morning routine (28:19) that includes all of the things. (28:21) Like you don't, you just have to find (28:23) what specifically works for you.(28:24) So it takes a little practice, (28:25) it takes a little troubleshooting, (28:27) but it's worth it. (28:30) Yeah, yeah, those are great, love it. (28:34) Well, last question is how can somebody find you (28:37) and connect with you? (28:39) Yeah, so my website, biancadeluco.com (28:42) is just my personal last name.(28:45) I am on Instagram at Bianca Deluco. (28:50) Facebook I think is actually Bianca M Deluco. (28:55) I think my personal page was taken by Bianca Deluco (28:59) so I had to add an initial.(29:03) And then YouTube, you guessed it, Bianca Deluco. (29:08) So if you search my name, it'll all kind of come up there. (29:14) Awesome, I'll link everything in the show notes too.(29:17) But well, thank you. (29:20) I mean, I learned, I still learn, you know, (29:23) as I have more conversations. (29:26) So I loved hearing about, you know, (29:28) those different, the red, yellow and green states (29:32) and polyvagal theory.
(29:34) I think, yeah, I think a lot of people can get a lot (29:39) from that and from our conversation. (29:41) So I thank you so much for being here. (29:43) I appreciate you opening the space (29:45) and allowing me to come here.(29:47) For any of your listeners that are looking for a space (29:51) to develop some self-regulation tools (29:56) and explore some different things, (29:58) I do have a program online called Inner Healer (30:01) that is, the introductory workshop (30:04) is actually a lot of things we talked about today. (30:06) So they could probably, they could watch it (30:07) if they wanted, they could skip over that part. (30:09) But then it's 30 days of different tools, (30:11) different breathing exercises, (30:14) different EFT tapping scripts, (30:16) different things that we didn't, you know, (30:17) discuss here at all.(30:18) So it's an opportunity to try (30:20) a variety of different things, (30:21) notice how you respond to those things (30:25) and get clear on what quality coping skills (30:29) will actually help deduct (30:31) from your stress bucket moving forward. (30:33) So that's available too for anybody (30:35) that is really feeling called to do that, so. (30:38) That's awesome.(30:39) Yeah, like I said, we'll link that all in the notes too.
(30:41) But thank you again. (30:43) Yes, thank you.(30:46) If there's one thing I hope you take away (30:48) from today's episode, it's this. (30:50) Healing isn't just about what you're doing. (30:52) It's about the state your body is in (30:54) while you're doing it.(30:55) Because you can be eating the right foods, (30:58) taking the supplements, doing all the things. (31:00) But if your body is stuck in stress, (31:03) in survival mode, in that constant fight or flight, (31:05) it's going to feel like nothing is working. (31:07) And that's why this work matters.(31:09) Learning how to regulate your nervous system, (31:11) learning how to listen to your body, (31:13) learning how to support yourself (31:14) in a way that actually feels sustainable. (31:17) That's where real change starts to happen. (31:19) And like Bianca said, (31:21) this isn't about doing everything perfectly.(31:23) It's about finding what works for you (31:25) and building from there.
(31:26) So maybe today your step is simple. (31:30) Take a few deep breaths.(31:31) Go for a walk. (31:32) Put your phone down before bed. (31:34) Or just get curious about (31:35) what your body is trying to tell you.(31:37) You don't need to overhaul your life overnight. (31:40) You just need to start paying attention. (31:42) If you loved this episode, (31:43) make sure to subscribe (31:44) so you don't miss what's coming up next.(31:46) Share this with someone who might be stuck (31:48) in that stress cycle. (31:49) And leave a review (31:50) so more women can find these conversations. (31:53) And as always, (31:54) if you're ready to go deeper (31:55) into your own healing journey, (31:56) you can find all the ways to work with me (31:58) in the show notes.(31:59) I'm sending you so much love (32:01) and I'll see you on the next episode (32:03) of PCOS Unfiltered. (32:05) Nourish. (32:05) Heal.(32:06) Thrive.