What if your body has been telling you a relationship isn’t safe long before you’re ready to admit it? In this raw and deeply personal episode of PCOS Unfiltered, I sit down with Saige Whitney, host of A Lights Out Narcissistic Podcast, to talk about narcissistic relationships, people-pleasing, boundaries, chronic stress, and what can happen when we continually override what our bodies are trying to tell us. Saige shares her experience inside an emotionally manipulative relationship and how her inability to say no, set boundaries, and prioritize her own safety affected her mental and physical well-being. We talk about what she calls “Good Girl Syndrome,” the pressure to put everyone else’s feelings ahead of your own, and how chronic stress began showing up in her body. We also share some of our own experiences with unhealthy relationships and explore what it can look like to rebuild self-trust, protect your energy, establish healthy boundaries, and finally give yourself permission to say no. This conversation is a reminder that your body communicates with you—and sometimes one of the most important things you can do for your health is listen.
Listening is a great place to start, but lasting change happens when you begin putting these ideas into practice.
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This week, practice noticing what happens in your body when you’re about to say yes to something you don’t really want to do.
Before automatically answering, pause.
Give yourself permission to say:
“Let me think about it, and I’ll get back to you.”
Then ask yourself:
❤️ What happens in my body when I think about saying yes?
❤️ Do I feel open and comfortable—or tense, heavy, anxious, or uneasy?
❤️ Am I saying yes because I genuinely want to, or because I’m afraid of disappointing someone?
Remember, saying no doesn’t automatically make you selfish or unkind. Sometimes listening to your body means honoring the boundary it has been asking you to set.
Saige Whitney is the host of A Lights Out Narcissistic Podcast, where she shares lessons from her own experiences with narcissistic and unhealthy relationships.
Through her story and podcast, Saige explores recognizing red flags, learning how to set boundaries, understanding consent within relationships, people-pleasing, self-worth, and what it means to protect your time and energy. Her goal is to take the difficult experiences she has lived through and use them to help others recognize unhealthy patterns and begin trusting themselves again.
🎙️ A Lights Out Narcissistic Podcast:
https://alightsoutnarcissisticpodcast.riverside.com/
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❤️ Share this episode with someone who feels stuck or is ready for a fresh perspective.
⭐ Leave a review to help more women discover PCOS Unfiltered.
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Remember:
Your life isn't determined by your past, your diagnosis, or your circumstances. The stories you believe shape the choices you make—and every new choice is an opportunity to create a different future.
⚠️ Podcast Disclaimer
This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional before making any changes to your health routine.
(0:00) I haven't been able to run for 10 years, probably because I couldn't say no, couldn't set boundaries. (0:05) I can run now. (0:05) I have so much energy.(0:07) I'm cleaning everything, you know, I used to be so depressed, you know, I'm cleaning (0:12) things, I'm going places, I'm meeting people, I'm having fun, like, and it's, it's really (0:16) just because I'm protecting my divine sacred energy inside of me now. (0:21) But I think that's like a big takeaway there is that you can get through it. (0:25) Yes.(0:26) Yeah, it may not be easy, but you can get through it. (0:29) And sometimes you might have to do the difficult thing and cut ties with people. (0:35) Welcome back to PCOS Unfiltered, where we ditch the one size fits all advice.(0:40) I'm your host, Lindsay, nurse turned health coach, two time author of Healing Beyond a (0:44) Diagnosis and Healthy for a Reason, and your body wisdom guide. (0:48) Here I hope you understand the messages behind your symptoms so you can stop fighting your (0:53) body and start working with it. (0:55) Before we jump into today's episode, I want to invite you to join us inside the Healthy (0:59) Ever After community.(1:01) It's where the podcast comes to life with weekly body wisdom tips, recipes, exclusive (1:05) resources, conversations with women on the same journey, and monthly challenges with (1:10) fun giveaways. (1:11) In fact, we kicked off our very first community challenge this month, and it's not too late (1:16) to be part of it. (1:18) If you're only listening to the podcast, you're missing half the experience.(1:21) You'll find the link to join the Healthy Ever After community in the show notes. (1:25) Now today's guest is Sage Whitney, host of a Lights Out Narcissistic podcast. (1:31) Through her own journey of healing with narcissistic relationships, she discovered the life-changing (1:35) power of boundaries, self-worth, and faith.(1:38) Today she's passionate about helping others recognize unhealthy patterns, protect their (1:43) peace, and build relationships rooted in respect and authenticity. (1:46) As always, this podcast is intended for educational and informational purposes only and should (1:52) not be considered medical advice. (1:54) Please consult your healthcare provider before making any changes to your diet, exercise, (1:59) or treatment plan.(2:00) Now go ahead and maybe grab something to drink and get comfortable, and let's get started. (2:05) Here is my conversation with Sage Whitney. (2:15) Welcome back to PCOS Unfiltered, and welcome to Sage.(2:21) High energy for this one and a different topic, I think a very relevant topic. (2:28) So let's just start by telling us about you. (2:33) You know, why are you here? (2:35) You have a podcast yourself.(2:36) So what, you know, where did that come from? (2:41) Yeah, that's a great question. (2:43) So I get a few questions of why is it called a Lights Out Narcissistic podcast? (2:49) That's the first question I get. (2:52) So Lights Out is one of my favorite horror movies.(2:57) And it's about this girl, her name is Sophie. (3:03) When she's younger, she is in a mental health psych ward. (3:08) And this other little girl named Diana attaches on to her.(3:15) And so then, and I talk about this in my episodes, but there's a time when a doctor (3:24) separates the two. (3:26) And he tells Diana, Diana, I want you to stay away from Sophie. (3:31) And Diana says, Why? (3:34) She's my friend.(3:35) And he says, Then why did you hurt her? (3:39) And she said, Because she was getting better. (3:44) And that part of the movie hit home to me, as does literally the whole movie. (3:53) So after that, I had seen this movie, I had gotten out of this narcissistic abusive relationship.(4:02) I was, it was like 2am, I was thinking about everything. (4:07) And I thought, why don't I compare my experience with my ex to Diana. (4:20) And the very sad part is, is they are a lot alike.(4:26) Like this is a demon in a horror movie and a narcissist in real life. (4:30) And there's so much correlation, and so many similarities. (4:35) So I went on to create a Lights Out Narcissistic podcast.(4:40) And I do compare myself to Sophie a lot in my podcast, how Sophie, she couldn't say no. (4:50) She was very mentally ill and sick. (4:53) And when she was sick, Diana could come in and rule her life.(4:59) So that's where that podcast name came from. (5:04) Very interesting. (5:05) I'm not a huge, I actually used to be like a big horror movie person back in the day.(5:10) But then I don't know, I have not watched a scary horror movie for a while. (5:15) But that almost sounds a little interesting, because I like the psychology, you know, behind things. (5:23) So yeah, I might have to just take a brief, brief peek at that.(5:31) So tell us a little bit more, you know, about this, this relationship. (5:37) And, you know, what were even like, just some things that you were noticing along the way, (5:43) and how maybe you were being manipulated, (5:46) and how that was affecting you and your mental health and your physical health even. (5:51) Yeah, so I met her through the healthcare system.(5:59) I was a activity assistant director at a skilled nursing facility. (6:06) And for the listeners, that's a place where elderly people, they need assistance, (6:13) they can go live there and live the rest of their lives there. (6:16) We also have people recovering from surgery that need physical therapy every day.(6:21) We have people living there for a few months. (6:25) We have stroke people that have strokes and need to learn how to even, (6:32) like put on a shirt again, and learn how to walk again, stuff like that. (6:36) So that's what a skilled nursing facility is.(6:39) Sometimes we take recovering addicts, all this stuff. (6:43) So she was a patient, and she had lupus. (6:51) And we were friends.(6:55) We would talk and hang out. (6:57) And one day, just out of the blue, she just texted me. (7:02) And she was like, I'm scared and I'm alone.(7:06) I have six months to live. (7:09) You don't even need to love me. (7:11) Will you marry me? (7:15) And at the headspace I was in at that time, I was heavily in an addiction.(7:23) And not substances, but something else. (7:27) And I just was like, wow, this is my only chance at love. (7:33) This is my only ticket to love.(7:35) And so I said yes. (7:38) And what I wanted was to talk to her and tell her, hey, I'm interested in this proposal. (7:47) What I need is for us to be friends and keep it professional until you leave this facility.(7:55) Because she only had lupus. (7:57) She told me she was dying. (8:00) She had kidney failure, cancer, all these things.(8:03) But all she really did have was lupus. (8:06) And so they were looking to have her leave because she wasn't as sick as she was saying she was. (8:14) And she was also harassing all the CNAs and male nurses.(8:20) So there was quite a few reasons. (8:22) But what I wanted really was just to be friends until she left the facility. (8:27) And then we could start a relationship.(8:29) That did not happen. (8:33) She immediately told everybody. (8:36) And looking back at it now, it felt like a form of blackmail.(8:42) Just like, if I back out of this now, I am abandoning a dying girl. (8:48) Which a year later, I figured out she wasn't even dying. (8:51) But the things we'll do for love, man.(8:55) The things we'll do for love. (8:59) Oh, my gosh. (9:01) Yeah.(9:02) Yeah. (9:03) So tell us more, you know. (9:05) So did she end up getting out of the facility? (9:10) Yeah.(9:11) They put me on a paid leave to investigate. (9:15) And I was really honest with them. (9:18) I was like, this is a weird situation.(9:20) Tell me what to do. (9:21) I'm not here to sneak around. (9:23) So they were like, okay, we'll pay you.(9:25) We need to figure, we've had problems with this woman. (9:30) So, and that was a red flag in itself. (9:33) But we'll, you know, just take some time away.(9:37) Go enjoy a week off, whatever. (9:38) So I did. (9:39) And then they fast-tracked her out of the facility.(9:44) And after they did that, from there, it was me. (9:52) She would say she hit her head in the shower. (9:54) She passed out.(9:57) I had seen her hurt herself. (10:04) But she would do anything to go back to the ER. (10:08) And at that time, I really thought she was sick.(10:10) But looking back at it now, it was just to get opioids. (10:16) And there's a lot of problems with the US healthcare medical system. (10:23) Because this woman was on Dilaudid.(10:27) That is, for the listeners, that is deathbed, kidney stone, crazy surgery. (10:34) Hospice. (10:37) What the crap was she doing on Dilaudid? (10:44) Like, and so, you know, you just start thinking in your head, (10:48) like, I really thought she was sick, all this stuff.(10:52) But were the doctors careless? (10:56) And prescribing that to her? (10:58) Because lupus is very sad. (11:01) And any autoimmune disorder is very sad. (11:04) And my heart goes out to anyone that has that.(11:07) It's not a death sentence, though. (11:10) And so, who prescribed this? (11:14) And were they prescribing these meds to get money? (11:18) These doctors, the more they prescribed deathbed medication, (11:22) how much money was being put in their pocket? (11:26) That's scary to me. (11:29) And not only is it scary, is these medications are so potent, so crazy.(11:37) At one point with her, she needed them so badly that she just, (11:44) she had brought a knife in the car and was like, I need opioids. (11:49) I gotta stab myself. (11:50) Like, I need meds.(11:51) I'm in pain. (11:52) I'm driving. (11:53) I'm like, you can't do that.(11:56) So, plan B, she's like, fine, you're such a baby. (12:00) She pulls out scissors. (12:01) Like, she had planned this.(12:03) Just starts cutting open her belly button. (12:05) Stomach acid is coming out. (12:07) She's like, just putting gauze on it.(12:09) Like, it's a regular Tuesday. (12:12) And, you know, that was that. (12:17) And so, first thing, she was not screaming, crying, nothing.(12:21) She was so high, it was just like, normal. (12:26) Like, yeah, didn't even phase her. (12:28) Yeah, right.(12:30) And weed and hemp is so demonized in the U.S. medical system. (12:35) But you can't cut open your belly button on weed, no matter how high you are. (12:39) But you can fall off a building on Dilaudid and walk and then run a marathon.(12:45) That is what that taught me. (12:47) And so, there's something to say also about these meds and me wanting for the (12:57) Western medicine to incorporate more natural medicines. (13:04) And I saw that firsthand when I was, I had period flu.(13:10) And everyone just thought it was a joke. (13:15) So, they put me on birth control. (13:20) Because they're like, well, you have bad periods.(13:22) I'll just put you on birth control. (13:24) So, after they put me on birth control, I ran a 101 fever for like a week, two weeks (13:30) straight. (13:31) And then my boobs were a triple D, they went to an H. (13:38) So, now, just because of birth control, I will probably need to get a breast (13:42) reduction.(13:44) And so, what we're doing right now just isn't working, you know. (13:48) And if I would have known about my awesome naturopathic doctor now, I would have (13:54) just gone to him and then just had natural supplements that work so well. (14:02) And to the listeners, like, I had walking pneumonia a few years ago.(14:08) And I was like, I could not breathe. (14:12) My naturopathic doctor put me on all these mushrooms, Reishi, like all these potent (14:18) mushrooms, saved, not high mushrooms. (14:21) But, and I got better in two weeks, which is very rare for walking pneumonia.(14:29) Normally, it takes months and you have a cough. (14:31) Two weeks gone, no cough. (14:33) So, for people that don't believe in naturopathic medicine, maybe if you're (14:38) struggling with PCOS or any kind of things, maybe it's time to look at a different (14:43) route.(14:44) Because for me, every time I went to this man with any period symptom, UTI symptom, (14:51) he would clear it right up with just natural herbal supplements. (14:55) Yeah. (14:56) And it worked.(14:57) It worked. (14:58) Yeah. (14:59) I mean, you bring up, you know, great points with the breakdown in the healthcare (15:03) system, you know.(15:04) I mean, I, that's why I'm doing what I'm doing right now. (15:09) Right. (15:09) And, you know, I was a nurse, especially in the ER.(15:12) So I would see this, you know, myself, I would see the controlled substances being (15:18) prescribed on a regular basis to the same people over and over again. (15:24) And even we as nurses would try to advocate against that, you know, a lot of the times (15:31) because we like, usually we were the ones that were there all the time. (15:35) I would see these, you know, same people coming in.(15:38) We would know like they had just gotten a huge prescription for whatever it was. (15:43) And sometimes the doctors would still just continue to do it because they just didn't (15:46) want to fight them and they just wanted to, you know, keep them quiet and get a good, (15:49) a good satisfaction score on the survey, you know, and unfortunately that's, you know, (15:54) that's kind of how it is. (15:56) I always like preface this when I, when I talk about this, because I don't want to, (16:02) you know, demonize the healthcare system fully.(16:04) There, there is a time, right. (16:06) And a time and a place when you do need it, but if it is, you know, general overall wellness (16:13) care, a lot of the times we're doing a disservice to women, I think, especially like we were (16:18) kind of talking about, you know, but yeah, there's definitely there, there's breakdowns (16:25) there, right? (16:25) Like at what point, you know, throughout that process, did any of the physicians say (16:32) she needs some serious help? (16:34) Like, did she end up going back into, you know, even like mental, you know, mental health (16:41) facility, mental health counselor, you know, anything, was that advised at any time? (16:46) No. (16:47) No.(16:47) Not once. (16:48) Yeah. (16:48) And that's unfortunate too.(16:50) And I would, I would assume, because she was probably using the ER a lot of the times (16:54) instead of like a primary care doctor. (16:56) Once a week. (16:56) Yeah.(16:57) She'd have a driver. (16:58) Yeah. (16:59) Yeah.(16:59) And that's a lot what I would see, you know, in the ER too. (17:02) And so again, you know, not to put it down, but I think it's just, you have to be aware (17:07) of, of the use, you know, of our traditional healthcare system and also being able to (17:13) advocate for yourself, you know, along with that. (17:17) And knowing that even if you are doing the traditional route, like ask the right questions, (17:22) but then also know that you could be doing some more natural things, you know, and, and (17:27) that, that was like, yeah, I mean, that was part of my journey, you know, as well.(17:32) So, so how, how were you, how were you doing throughout all of that? (17:39) You know, when she was telling you to, to go to the ER every week and, and cutting yourself (17:43) open, you know, literally, I mean, like, what did that do to your mental health, your (17:50) physical health? (17:50) You mentioned the period flu, but were things just even popping up that were different or (17:55) worse? (17:56) Oh yeah, I was sick all the time with her. (18:00) Constant UTIs. (18:01) She told me she was, this is so funny.(18:06) She told me she was asexual. (18:08) She hates sex. (18:09) I never want to have sex again, Sage.(18:12) And then I find out, cause we were only really engaged for like two weeks to a month. (18:17) I don't know the exact amount of time. (18:19) And then we just call it off when we're friends, which I'm grateful for.(18:25) But throughout that time, she's like, oh, I'm, you know, I just, I hate sex. (18:29) I never, you know, I hate it. (18:31) And then I find out a year later from a CNA that worked with her, that CNA ended up working (18:40) with me.(18:40) Cause I, I've been a CNA for about five years and she's like, oh Sage, I caught her having (18:47) sex with a man while you guys were together in the facility. (18:51) Oh my goodness. (18:52) Yeah.(18:53) So I always love to stress how I was getting seen. (18:56) I was getting UTIs and not even having sex. (18:59) Your body's screaming at you.(19:00) This is a bad person. (19:02) This is a dangerous person. (19:03) You need to run.(19:04) You need to get out of here. (19:06) Your body starts getting really pissed off when you're with someone that's bad for you. (19:12) And I, I love to say, I like this quote.(19:16) I don't love it, but I like it. (19:18) It says, good girls don't get angry. (19:21) They get sick.(19:24) And like when you're not speaking up for yourself or saying no, and I couldn't say no. (19:32) I had good girl syndrome, which for the listeners, good girl syndrome is when you can't say no. (19:38) When you just do whatever authority anyone says, and you're more worried about other (19:44) people's feelings than your own safety.(19:46) That is what good girl syndrome is. (19:50) And it kills you. (19:52) Like it, it just, that is why I got in this situation.(19:57) I should have said no from the bat, but I felt bad. (20:00) I wanted to make her feel good. (20:02) I wanted her to not be alone.(20:04) But what about me? (20:06) My body was always angry with me. (20:09) I felt so unsafe with her, but I was like, well, I can't leave a dying girl. (20:15) And you know, to the listeners, if someone's bad for you, you staying is enabling them.(20:23) They're not going to learn. (20:24) People learn the most when you leave. (20:27) That's when they start to respect you.(20:29) Abusive people. (20:30) Now, if you have a good relationship and there's some hiccups and you can talk and communicate (20:35) and there's respect, that's way different. (20:37) But if someone is blatantly disrespecting you, taking advantage of you, you know, you (20:42) try to get them to apologize.(20:44) They manipulate it. (20:45) They won't take accountability. (20:48) Get rid of them.(20:49) Leave. (20:49) They're not learning anything. (20:51) You're enabling them and you're hurting their evolutionary process, actually, of them learning (20:56) and growing.(20:57) It's time to let them go. (20:58) Yeah, well, something that I don't think I've ever really shared on this podcast before, (21:03) but I mean, I was in an abusive relationship, my ex-husband. (21:07) Yeah.(21:08) And yeah, narcissistic, controlling. (21:14) And it got to a point, you know, like, I mean, I think this, you know, this podcast, (21:19) you're sharing your personal story, but I think it's still a lot of people can relate (21:22) probably in a lot of ways. (21:24) Like, there's so much that people have been through, right? (21:29) And it affects so many other things.(21:32) Like you were saying, you know, all that stress increases your cortisol and even, you know, (21:36) like with the new name change, like we were talking about too, to PMOS, you know, for (21:42) PCOS, because I think they're starting to discover that stress plays a role in all of (21:47) that, you know, as in any condition. (21:49) But looking back, like for me, I had to get out in the middle of the day while he was at (21:55) work because he just wouldn't listen to me. (21:59) I kept telling him we needed to get help if we were going to make this work.(22:02) And he didn't, you know, he was too good for that, of course. (22:05) And I didn't feel safe anymore because while it was more mental and emotional abuse, it (22:12) turned, it was starting to turn physical. (22:14) And so I had to leave in the middle of the day, you know, and I packed up all my stuff (22:18) and he came home to an empty house.(22:20) And, you know, it doesn't make it easier, of course, but I felt safer. (22:26) I was able to do it, you know, but there were months of me still just going through all kinds (22:31) of things. (22:32) And then, of course, the divorce, you know, proceedings.(22:34) But looking back, I think, because I don't remember if I shared this with you when we (22:39) first talked, but I was kind of borderline lupus when I first, you know, I didn't have (22:45) full blown organ disease or anything like that. (22:49) But I was definitely kind of on the brink headed that way, along with another autoimmune (22:54) condition. (22:55) But looking back, I think a lot of it stemmed from that abusive relationship.(23:00) I think there were so many signs because a lot of it was around eating for him. (23:05) He didn't want me to gain weight and I could only eat certain things. (23:09) If I finished my plate.(23:10) Oh my gosh. (23:11) Oh my gosh. (23:11) Yeah.(23:12) Yeah. (23:13) Yeah. (23:14) So not only the emotional side, but like just even what we were eating, because he wanted (23:19) to go out to eat a lot.(23:21) And, you know, what I was doing to my body in my, you know, my 20s when I was with him, (23:26) because I felt like I didn't have any other choice along with just all the stress of (23:30) it. (23:32) Absolutely. (23:32) Looking back, I think that was a big start of it, you know.(23:37) And then when I finally left, I think the symptoms were starting to come about and I (23:41) ignored them for years until I couldn't ignore them anymore. (23:45) But that's, you know, that's another story in itself, of course. (23:50) So yeah, that's really hard.(23:54) I'm glad you're safe now and you're building yourself back up and it's because after that (24:01) you're just in this dark hole. (24:03) Yeah. (24:04) You're just lost.(24:05) You know, I was lost. (24:07) I was. (24:08) And you feel so alone.(24:10) Yeah. (24:11) What was your, like, rock bottom? (24:12) You know, what was the low point of all of it? (24:15) Like, either when you were with her and said, this has to change, or maybe even after you (24:21) left her, was there, like, what was the lowest point, would you say, for you? (24:30) Definitely when she took me hostage in the hospital. (24:34) And people are like, how does someone take you hostage? (24:39) Well, you try to leave and go back to your job up north because she decided to pass out (24:44) for an imaginary cause to get opioids.(24:49) And at the time, you believe she's dying. (24:54) Looking back, you feel like a fool. (24:56) But yeah, I thought she was dying.(24:58) So I'm in the hospital. (25:00) I need to leave. (25:01) I need to go home.(25:02) And she did seem fine. (25:06) But, you know, I have a life too. (25:09) And we were only supposed to be down there three days.(25:14) And she knew that her body wasn't good. (25:18) She never took care of herself. (25:20) And so I should have had the right to go home and go back to my job.(25:25) But she told me, if you leave, Sage, I'm going to die. (25:30) My blood of my death is going to be on your hands. (25:34) You're going to have to deal with that the rest of your life.(25:36) You just left a dying girl in the hospital alone. (25:40) And so one of my favorite podcasters, her name is Judy Fada. (25:45) She talks about this stuff.(25:47) You're free to go wherever you want. (25:50) But in your mind, you're under lock and key by this person. (25:54) And that is so true.(25:56) That is so powerful. (25:57) It is. (25:58) It's very powerful, especially if you've been in any type of relationship like that.(26:02) Yeah. (26:03) Yeah. (26:04) You're mentally taken hostage.(26:08) Yeah. (26:08) And that was the tipping point. (26:16) Yeah.(26:17) Yeah. (26:18) So how are you doing now? (26:20) How are things going for you now? (26:23) Wow. (26:24) I've done so much.(26:28) Healing, energetic healing, spiritual, praying with God, all kinds of healing. (26:38) You know, whether people believe this or not, (26:40) breaking generational curses and cycles and learning how to say no. (26:46) A whole other ballgame.(26:49) Learning how to set boundaries, healthy, happy boundaries with everyone around me. (26:54) And yeah, if something feels wrong, saying no, it's not mean. (26:58) You're just listening to your body.(27:01) And a good person, if you say no, they're like, okay, that sounds good. (27:04) You know, I'll see you another day. (27:07) A disrespectful person gets mad.(27:09) And that's a great sign that that's probably not someone you need super close to you. (27:14) You know, when my mom asks me if I want to go somewhere and I say no, she says, okay. (27:19) That's a respectful person, right? (27:21) Yeah.(27:21) But with my ex, I would say, no, I don't want to take you to the hospital. (27:25) You clearly are. (27:27) There was one time she had food poisoning.(27:29) And well, she said she had food poisoning. (27:31) She was fine. (27:32) My nurse friend was with her.(27:34) Took her vitals. (27:35) Everything was fine. (27:37) If someone's having an allergic reaction, their throat's closing up, they're wheezing.(27:42) Things are puffy face. (27:44) None of that. (27:45) She was just standing there.(27:46) She's like, I didn't go to the hospital. (27:49) Um, anyway, so she ended up like, she was like, I have, I have, I'm having an allergic reaction, (28:01) but the hospital's not going to believe me. (28:03) So I need to make it really big.(28:04) So they really believe me. (28:06) So I'm like, what are you even talking about? (28:08) So she ended up eating this almond joy. (28:12) So she would actually have an allergic reaction.(28:14) So I'd actually take her to the hospital. (28:16) Oh my gosh. (28:17) And stabs herself with an EpiPen and then has a seizure in the ER.(28:25) You're a nurse. (28:27) If a patient is having a seizure from an EpiPen, was there even an allergic reaction? (28:33) Or was it just. (28:37) Probably not.(28:38) I mean, I don't know. (28:39) Like it might depend on, I mean, did she ever have seizures before? (28:44) No. (28:45) Okay.(28:46) Yeah, I would say probably not. (28:49) I mean, but I don't know, but it could be from, possibly from that, from an allergic reaction. (28:55) Could it have been, was the EpiPen expired? (28:59) You know, who knows, right? (29:01) I mean, it could have been, did she take something else that could have interacted? (29:07) Well, she did actually take almonds to actually have an allergic reaction.(29:11) But I'm saying like, did she have something else in her system that could have interacted? (29:15) Because sometimes depending on if they gave her something then when she was in the ER, (29:19) that could have interacted with whatever was in her system, you know? (29:22) So it could have been a lot of, it could have been a lot of scenarios. (29:27) Yeah. (29:27) I don't, I don't know.(29:29) All I know is that I multiple times said, no, I don't want to take you to the hospital. (29:34) Nothing's wrong. (29:35) And then you're so selfish, Sage.(29:38) You're so selfish. (29:40) I'm a dying girl. (29:42) Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.(29:43) You know, and just stupid shit. (29:47) Yeah. (29:48) That's a disrespectful person.(29:51) So now, you know, with disrespectful people, it's limited time, limited access. (29:59) I don't want you draining my energy and putting all your bad energy in my body. (30:04) And then I'm going to have some kind of problem later (30:07) because you sucked my divine energy out of me.(30:13) So limited access, saying no, setting happy, healthy boundaries. (30:17) If to the empaths out there, the good girls, the good boys, (30:21) episode four of a Lights Out Narcissistic podcast, (30:24) I go through each step of how to say no and how to start setting boundaries. (30:29) Because it's terrifying at first.(30:31) Your throat closes up. (30:33) Your heart beats so fast. (30:35) And when you can't say no and you don't have boundaries, you get sick.(30:41) That's what I saw is I got sick a lot. (30:46) And I sometimes wonder if some of these autoimmune disorders are from that. (30:51) And it's not your fault because you weren't taught (30:53) how to say no growing up and set boundaries.(30:56) You were taught everyone else's feelings matter more than yours. (31:01) So then you get in an abusive relationship and it's just it's horrible, you know. (31:08) And so I tell the listeners, we're not here to shame ourselves.(31:11) We're here to realize we were groomed from childhood (31:15) to always think about everyone else's feelings, to never say no. (31:19) So when the opportunity comes to say no, it's nearly impossible. (31:25) Because we were groomed to override our system to think about everyone else.(31:30) And to be okay with abuse, literally. (31:35) And so yeah, now my body is doing great. (31:40) I haven't been able to run for 10 years, (31:42) probably because I couldn't say no, couldn't set boundaries.(31:44) I can run now. (31:46) I have so much energy. (31:48) I'm cleaning everything.(31:50) I used to be so depressed. (31:54) I'm cleaning things. (31:55) I'm going places.(31:56) I'm meeting people. (31:57) I'm having fun. (31:57) And it's really just because I'm protecting my divine, sacred energy inside of me now.(32:05) It's not being siphoned. (32:08) Yeah, that's amazing to hear that you've come out probably even better, (32:13) you know, on the other side of that difficult relationship. (32:17) I don't know if difficult would define it.(32:22) But yeah, but that time, yeah. (32:27) You know, I think that's a huge takeaway as we like kind of start to wrap up too, (32:30) is because, you know, you do, you really have to protect your energy. (32:34) And you have to look at the relationships around you, the relationships you're in.(32:40) It's not going to be easy. (32:42) It may not be easy, right? (32:43) You know, to say no to those people or to leave them, maybe. (32:48) That might even need to be what, you know, what needs to happen.(32:53) Yeah, but for your own health, you know, your own peace of mind, (32:59) your own, you know, protection, like sometimes that does need to happen. (33:06) And there are resources out there, of course, you know, whether you're, (33:10) yeah, listening to podcasts, you know, getting professional help in other ways, (33:14) like to help you kind of deal with some of that stuff. (33:17) I think that's super important to mention too.(33:18) But I think that's like a big takeaway there is that you can get through it. (33:26) And yeah, it may not be easy, but you can get through it. (33:30) And sometimes you might have to do the difficult thing and cut ties with people.(33:35) Yeah. (33:36) Yeah. (33:37) If it wasn't for her, other people would still be running my own life.(33:43) So when you can't say no, other people are running your own life, (33:45) you're just doing whatever they want. (33:47) So it's freedom. (33:52) Yeah.(33:52) I mean, and I always look at it too, you know, I mentioned my ex-husband because (33:56) I feel like there was still a reason, you know, he was in my life. (34:01) So first of all, obviously I learned from that situation, (34:04) but we moved to Florida together, which was always like a kind of dream goal of mine. (34:10) I'm from, you know, Indiana, like square state, you know, but I'm a water bug, (34:16) you know, I love palm trees, the sun, like all that stuff.(34:20) I wouldn't have done it alone, you know? (34:23) So maybe that's why he was in my life to get me to Florida. (34:28) And then it just opened my eyes more once we were, you know, (34:31) we had moved because we didn't have our support system anymore either. (34:34) But, you know, to me, like also evaluate it and look at what came out of it.(34:40) You know, for you, your podcast came out of it, you know, (34:43) I'm sure there's probably more, you know, too. (34:45) But there's a reason we even go through some of these things sometimes, I think, as well. (34:53) Yeah.(34:55) Narcissists are here to literally teach us how to have boundaries, (35:00) like traumatize us into having boundaries. (35:04) And we thank the lesson and we honor the pain and we release them. (35:10) Yeah, yeah.(35:11) Yeah. (35:12) And thank you for sharing your story with me. (35:15) I know that's hard to do.(35:17) So I appreciate that. (35:19) Yeah. (35:20) Thank you.(35:20) It's been it's been years. (35:22) It's just not something I necessarily like talk about all the time, (35:25) but I don't really have an issue talking about it now, of course. (35:28) But again, it's, you know, whether it's your story or mine or anything in between, (35:32) I think I'm hoping that this episode just kind of opens up people's eyes as to, (35:38) you know, maybe some things that might be going on in their life.(35:41) That they need to evaluate. (35:44) Yeah, we're blind to a lot of things that are going on until (35:49) either we realize it or someone else points it out. (35:53) Yeah, exactly.(35:55) Because I had been told my whole life, you're too nice, Sage. (35:59) And I was like, I don't even know what that means. (36:01) And then I realized, oh, what people are saying is you have no background, (36:06) backbone.(36:07) You let everyone steamroll all over you. (36:10) You wait hand and foot to horrible people and you let them. (36:18) And that was true.(36:19) So now, yeah, I respect myself. (36:24) You know, if I don't need to answer people's text messages right away. (36:29) I don't need to, you know, if something feels iffy and someone just invited me somewhere, (36:35) give me 10 minutes and I'll see if it's aligned and I'll get back to you if it is.(36:39) You know, it's respecting your time, energy, peace. (36:45) You're expensive. (36:47) And you don't give yourself away to just anyone if you're expensive.(36:52) They have to earn that. (36:53) Yeah, yeah. (36:54) We only get one body and one mind, right? (36:57) So we want to protect it.(37:00) Yeah, yeah. (37:02) And I tell people, get angry at all the theft, energetic theft. (37:07) You know, these people, these narcissists, like my hair was falling out after this.(37:14) My hormones were going crazy. (37:16) My skin, cystic acne, all this stuff. (37:21) And it's just a response to stress.(37:25) Yeah, yeah. (37:26) It's your body talking to you, right? (37:28) Yeah. (37:28) Oh, my gosh.(37:28) You mentioned the hair loss because, yeah, I had a bald spot at one point when I was with (37:34) my husband, too. (37:35) Like, it just made me think of that. (37:38) Yeah.(37:38) Yeah, yeah. (37:39) It's crazy. (37:41) It's crazy what your body, you know, goes through when your mind is going through something.(37:48) Yeah. (37:49) Yeah, it will speak to you. (37:51) And, you know, like, with those with, like, autoimmune disorders and stuff, I wonder if, (38:00) and this is just my opinion, but I wonder if (38:04) a part to getting better would be saying no and setting boundaries.(38:07) Oh, yeah. (38:08) Because when you can't, it gets stuck in your body, and then autoimmune disorders happen. (38:13) So maybe, you know, I don't know for sure.(38:16) That's just speculation, but it could be part of it. (38:19) Yeah. (38:19) I think that's with a lot of things, honestly.(38:21) You know, when we first talked, I mentioned German New Medicine, but, you know, even (38:27) whether you're using something like that or just in general, I think we can store (38:33) traumas, you know, we can store unprocessed emotions, you know, for years, and they can (38:40) show up in our body in a lot of different ways, from autoimmune conditions, you know, (38:44) to just maybe everyday aches and pains. (38:47) We can hold stress in our hips and our shoulders and our neck and, you know, and all that stuff. (38:52) I definitely believe there is a correlation there, for sure.(38:56) And when, yeah, absolutely. (38:58) I love how you said in your hips. (39:01) I've had double hip surgery, and, you know, for the people that believe in spiritual stuff, (39:08) hips is betrayal trauma.(39:12) So that's where betrayal gets held. (39:15) And so when someone has hip problems, I know they've probably, a majority of the time, (39:20) they've probably been cheated on. (39:22) That's where I go.(39:23) I'll be like, oh, have you been cheated on? (39:24) Yeah. (39:25) Okay. (39:25) Because that's a betrayal.(39:27) Yeah. (39:28) Goes to the hips. (39:29) Yeah.(39:30) Wow. (39:31) Yeah. (39:32) Good stuff.(39:33) Good stuff. (39:34) Well, thank you for being here and for sharing your story and being vulnerable with me. (39:42) Thank you for having me.(39:44) Yeah. (39:45) So how can people find your podcast or connect with you? (39:49) Yeah. (39:49) So I'm on everything, A Light's Out, and you have to put the A. (39:54) A Light's Out Narcissistic Podcast is on Apple, Spotify.(39:59) I have a YouTube channel, Amazon Music, Deezer. (40:04) And then on my Instagram, it's a underscore lights underscore out underscore narcissistic (40:13) underscore pod. (40:15) You can contact me.(40:17) There's also my website there that you can check out my website. (40:21) And yeah. (40:23) Good.(40:24) Good. (40:24) I'll put all that in the notes as well, but I still like to ask. (40:28) That's perfect.(40:30) Awesome. (40:31) Well, thank you so much again. (40:34) And yeah, we'll see everybody next time.(40:38) A truly raw and unfiltered conversation with Sage. (40:42) I will be sure to link everything in the show notes if you'd like to connect with her. (40:46) And if you're enjoying the podcast, come join us inside the Healthy Ever After app.(40:50) It's where we continue the conversation with community recipes, resources, (40:54) and exclusive content. (40:56) Plus it is your last chance to get my free summer sanity guide (41:00) just for joining before the fall edition comes out. (41:03) The link is in the show notes for you.(41:05) And if you love this episode, make sure to subscribe, (41:07) leave a review and share it with someone who needs to hear it. (41:10) Because healing doesn't come from doing more. (41:12) It comes from understanding better.(41:14) I'm sending you so much love, (41:16) and I'll see you on the next episode of PCOS Unfiltered. (41:20) Nourish. (41:20) Heal.(41:21) Thrive.